


Moments

by MistyChildontheCastle



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Queen (Band)
Genre: Again, Angst, Domestic Fluff, M/M, Mpreg, Pregnancy, Pregnant Brian, Tooth Rotting Fluff, for a change, will i ever stop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2019-11-13 14:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18033818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyChildontheCastle/pseuds/MistyChildontheCastle
Summary: Brian is pregnant. Roger is very happy about it.Here are some moments.





	1. Chapter 1

Brian didn't understand what was going on with his body lately. It did things it wasn't supposed to do, and it didn't do others he should. And he was young and relatively healthy, so why was this happening? Why did he feel so terribly bad every morning, why was he throwing up every day? He ate very healthily and he hadn't drank alcohol in a long time, more or less since he started feeling off... He should be feeling better now, not worse. 

And why was he feeling so... bloated? Big. Practically everything he ate was light and easily burned while was in the studio. He was actually eating less in case it was something he was eating that was making him feel like this. So wrong, so different. So he couldn't be gaining weight, that made no sense. Why would he be bigger if he was eating less? Cancer, he thought immediately, you have a terrible tumour on your stomach that it's taking up space and making you throw up. But that was paranoid nonsense, right? There was nothing serious going on with him. 

The last time he'd ignored something health-related he had ended up in hospital for months, but this was different, right? This couldn't be cause for concern, he couldn't bother some busy doctor over the fact that he was inexplicably gaining weight and nauseous every morning. It was bound to be something related to what he ate, he just had to find out what. It wasn't really that important. Brian wished it would go away on its own, but time had passed, and it had only got worse. 

Someone hugged him from behind, with their hand on his tummy, which was strangely sensitive lately, and Brian squirmed. The blond man behind him seemed puzzled, but didn't let go. Usually Brian loved Roger's cuddles but today... He'd been throwing up for like twenty minutes that morning and didn't feel like being with anyone. Besides, the dizziness still lingered, and Roger smelled very strongly of cigarettes and mustard, for some reason. The smell was assaulting all of Brian's senses.

"Jeez, how much mustard did you put in your lunch?"

Roger's blue eyes looked at him in shock, startled, and he raised an inquisitive eyebrow. 

"Not that much, actually. How could you know that? It's been hours."

"The smell is really strong, Rog. The mustard, the fish, the cigarette afterwards. It's giving me a headache."

"That's fucking spooky, Bri. Since when do you smell so good?" Brian just shrugged. It was a recent development. "Anyways, why are you refusing my cuddles? Are you still feeling sick? Because maybe some cuddling it's the perfect thing for it."

Brian allowed Roger to embrace him again, even if his belly still felt a bit funny. 

"Didn't my hangover helper tea do its job?" Roger asked, soft, in a voice that he reserved just for his boyfriend.

"It helped for a while, but then the next morning...it goes back to being horrible. I'm so tired of puking."

Roger used the hand he already had in Brian's stomach to caress it softly, go up and down, and Brian closed his eyes, content. For a while they stayed there, with Brian putting his head on Roger's shoulder and neck and just enjoying all the care and caresses. Roger's kept running his hands up and down and humming a soft song. 

When Brian finally opened his eyes Roger smiled at him and they kissed, a small kiss on the lips to make him feel better. 

"You ok to go to the studio today?" Roger asked, his voice low and small. 

"Yeah, don't worry. I'll be fine."

But Brian didn't get fine all that easily, and then threw up the next five mornings in a row, making Roger even more worried. So they went to a clinic, scared of a terrible diagnosis, scared of being told that Brian was again very sick and would have to be in hospital for the foreseeable future. 

And so there they were, nervous as hell, holding hands in the practice. The doctor seemed like a nice, but this was a scary situation. 

"So, Mr. May..."

"Brian, please."

"Brian then. Tell me, how long have you been feeling nauseous?"

"A couple of months, I think. It's just in the morning, but it's every morning. And I can't stand strong smells either, everything makes me throw up."

"And he can smell a lot more than he used to." Roger added."That can be a symptom, right? I've never heard of any illnesses that cold cause it, but still."

The doctor seemed to have an inkling about where this was going.

"So, you're sick in the mornings and can smell things you couldn't before."

"I feel kind of bloated, too." Brian admitted. Roger just looked at him with a smile in his eyes.

"And you have no idea of what this may be?"

Both Roger and Brian shook their heads, but the doctor smiled knowingly. 

She came back after a while with a nurse and a big machine, scaring Roger and Brian even more. Why was that machine needed? This was something serious, wasn't it? That was why they brought that machine and brought a nurse and weren't saying anything... Because it was going to be life threatening, maybe something without a cure... 

The nurse told Brian to lay down on the gurney and he did so, also brought his shirt so that the doctors could get to his stomach. The nurse and the doctor kept smiling, and surely they wouldn't smile so much if this was some deadly disease, right? There was some cold gel on Brian's belly and he took Roger's hand who was next to him in a chair placed specifically for him... 

And there was a machine, and there was an image... And things clicked. 

"Exactly what I thought. There's no illness. There's just a baby, you see? That's the heart."

Brian's eyes were teary, as he tried to understand this whole thing. Oh. So he was pregnant.

"You're a bit over three months along, maybe three and a half. I'll give you the name of a nice specialist that will be able to give you more details, ok?"

Roger felt terribly relieved, but a bit... out of his depth. What would happen now? Where they really going to have a kid in less than six months? Was this really happening? It felt... was it was a lot to stomach. The first thing that he'd felt was relief that Brian wasn't dying of course, that it wasn't even anything that required hospitalisation, but then... Wow, a kid. A kid that was happening now. It was a bit overwhelming, enough to freak him out. And he was freaked out, how could Brian be? He was the one that was going to go through... this whole thing. 

Roger looked at his boyfriend and saw that Brian's eyes were stuck on the picture in the machine, and he'd begun to breathe in an odd shallow way. A tear fell down and he seemed... out of it. Frozen. 

"Bri, honey? Are you all right?"

Brian just walked ot of the room, with his shirt still up and all that gel on his belly. Roger just walked out behind him, not offering an explanation, because really, he had none, and he was worried about Brian. 

His boyfriend was on the other end of the hallway, with his hands on his head, looking very distressed. When Roger went to him and took those hands off, there were a couple more tears on his face. 

"I don't know if I can do this, Rog. I don't know if I'm strong enough."

"You are! Of course you are, the only one who thinks otherwise is yourself, and even you must know what nonsense it is. You can do this, and you hve me, ok? For anything."

"What... do you think?" 

Brian's eyes were bright and slightly hopeful. 

"About the baby? I would be thrilled, Bri, I've always wanted to have children with you, you know that. And this is a good moment, we finished a tour not that long ago, it would make sense to take some time off - and even after. You can still come to record, most of the time, right? And you are strong enough, of course you are."

Brian slowly nodded, biting his lower lip. He was... hadn't thought about this, had imagined they would plan the whole thing, they would be more prepared, more used to the idea. Now is less than six months he was going to have a child, and he didn't know the first thing about pregnancies or baby care. It was as if he'd been slapped in the face with it. 

Roger wiped the tears from Brian's face with a soft smile. Internally he also wanted to scream and cry, after the whole realisation shock he was on a super high of excitement. He really had always wanted to have kids with Brian, and this really was a great moment.

They had gotten out like three albums in a couple of years, they were allowed some rest. They were young, but not so young that they were immature. They had their times of wild party and fooling around, and now they had the yearning and the capacity for something new. It was a great moment, Brian was going to be wonderful (and their kid, oh it would be wonderful so beautiful and smart and... everything). He was so excited about this!!! It was going to be great and he would be a great dad too... 

But Brian didn't need his super-high of excitement right now. He took some paper from the toilet and gently cleaned Brian's stomach, which still had all that gel. 

"Why don't you start going to the car? I'll take those details from the doctor and any papers she might have, sort it out. Then we'll go home and I can make you a nice bath, to help you... put your thoughts in order. That sound okay?"

Brian nodded, grateful for his boyfriend's help, but still a bit... Out of it. 

This was a lot, it would change their life completely, and he didn't know... It would entail so many things, so much, care and love and while he knew himself capable of doing it, there were many aspects that were complicated, so many things that could go wrong.

The bath actually helped a lot. As Brian sank into the soapy water, he forgot all about his fears, his insecurities, his sadness and the shock at recent news. There was no world outside, there was no stress. Life-changing events could wait - now it was the time to concentrate on himself, on enjoying the water, on enjoying himself and this body that had been giving him so much trouble lately. 

Suddenly, an image of himself bathing a little baby girl came to him, unprompted, just him in this very same bath with his daughter. She had curly blonde hair and a smile that could melt the sun. He was singing a little song about the water and bathing to her, and she was splashing him with the water. He was very careful not to get soap in her eyes and cleaned her while humming their bathtub song. Ok, so maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to have a kid now. 

And Roger was right, it was a good moment. He was young enough the was risk of complications was quite low, but not so young that he felt he was missing out on parties and fun. Those times had been nice, and lasted long enough, but weren't meant to be forever. The band had already had some hits and some fans, and taking a break now would only make their fans more eager when they eventually returned to action. It was a good moment in every way. 

Brian let out a long suffering sigh as he emerged from the bath water. There it was, surrounding his belly button, a small... something. Was this the beginning of... her? HIs little baby girl with the blonde curls? Maybe... maybe he could do this. It was a good moment, they had the means and he had the best partner ever. Yes, he would be able to do this.  
Roger was waiting for him on the couch, with a soft smile and a cup of tea. 

"Feeling better?" 

He certainly looked better, pale as always but refreshed, with al that wet hair making him look like some sort of mermaid. Ah, Roger could spend the rest of his life looking at him (who would have told him, one-night-stand man extraordinaire, that he would end up falling for that tall guitar guy from Smile, that he wouldn't want to be with anyone else). He patted the couch, instructing Brian to sit next to him, which he did. 

"Much better. I'm sorry I spaced out like that, Rog."

"Don't worry, it was a big shock. Spacing out is perfectly normal. So....?"

"I'm... gonna have this child. I think I'm happy, but it will take some getting used to. But I do want this, and I'm glad it happened, even if it wasn't planned. And you... How do you feel about all this?"

Roger grinned, feeling that now he could let his emotions loose. 

"I'm so happy, you have NO IDEA! It's difficult to even imagine being so happy, so... excited about everything, about the future, about us! I just can't wait until I can see our little baby, that will be the most precious thing ever, and see our child smiling to us and learning to walk... I'm so happy I could explode!"

"Really?"

"Really, Bri. I am thrilled! I feel like the luckiest man in the world." And he took out something that he'd taken from the doctor's office, when he went to apologise to the doctor and get those details they needed. "It's the ultrasound from the doctor, you see? There's a baby inside you, and I think that's fucking wonderful, my love."

There was another kiss and a soulful look. 

Yes. They could do this. 

Brian rested his head on Roger's neck (again) and spoke softly.

"I'm picturing a little girl, you know, with lovely blond curls. I hope she has your eyes."

There was another kiss, and then another and another... When they were satisfied with their maekout session, Roger put his hand on Brian's stomach again, like he did not so long ago, but now it had a different meaning. This was... this was a great moment, indeed. Roger smiled a lazy smile, with his boyfriend's still wet head on his neck. 

"You're going to look so beautiful, my love. I can't wait till you're all big and round."

"I'm going to look awful - all tall and boney with a huge belly. It will look like if I swallowed a beach ball."

"Shut up, you're going to look fantastic, I know. Oooh, maybe I could get some sort of belly cushion for when you play the guitar? I have so many ideas!!!"

It was a calm evening, and slowly but surely they... adapted to this new situation, to what it meant. They started getting used to the idea of being parents, of having a kid with them in... half a year. It was a bit scary, yes, but a good kind of scary. It felt like the beginning of a good thing, the beginning of a lot of more good moments. 

They went to the specialist, who gave Brian a lot of supplements and vitamins (so skinny! And a vegetarian! Take this too! How didn't you come sooner!) but assured them that the baby looked perfectly healthy and that all the tests were A-Okay (she also made them sign an album that she had of Queen, _big fan of yours, so excited to have you as a patient, I mean, I will remain a professional, but wow, I'm so happy to be looking after the first Queen baby_ ).

Roger had decided (and Brian agreed) that he would rather not know if it was a girl or a boy, to avoid being... biased. To one place, or the other. He wanted things to be unisex, he wanted their plans to be good for either boy or girl, the education and everything to go beyond that. And not start from the first moment with the pink and blue stuff. 

Now was the moment to tell everyone that they knew, family members, friends, all kinds of relatives, some of whom didn't even know that Roger and Brian were together... But all was bad, uncomfortable and awkward. Some moments were just funny. 

When they told Freddie and John the good news, they immediately congratulated Roger, told him that he was glowing... No one expected it to be Brian. 

"But it's true! Look at his tee!" Freddie said, noticing a small curve on Brian's low midsection that hadn't been there some weeks ago. There was a little bump that could be seen, an odd change from Brian's usually flat stomach.

"Brian, darling, this is so lovely! I never would have thought... But I'm really happy for you, dear. How about calling him Frederick if it's a boy? It's classic, timeless..."

"Or Joanna if it's a girl." Deacy added. 

Brian and Roger smiled, lost in the moment. 

The days seemed brighter, as if there was a new light in the horizon, a new light in their lives. 

It was a beautiful, happy moment. 

The kind of moment that made everything worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the love! I thought this story would interest like only a person and a half, so I'm glad people are reading and enjoying. Please let me know if you like this chapter too!

It was a month after they’d found out about the pregnancy, and Brian was already showing. It wasn’t a lot, but it was enough to make him have to wear sweatpants, as most of his usual pants didn’t zip up anymore, and finding something that would fit his expanding belly and neverending legs wasn’t an easy task. Roger and Freddie were looking through every shop in London for things that fit, but he wasn’t all that fond of fashion shopping. Although Brian knew that it was just the baby, he felt odd, watching that belly get bigger. It felt alien, like it couldn’t belong to him.

Because even use though he had always eaten well, it was hard for a guy of his height to… well, to eat too much. The fact that he didn’t eat hot dogs, or bacon… The fact that a lot of junk food was meat based also helped. Besides, he’d always been more interesting things than food to do, things that caught his interest. He’d never been some sort of gourmet or anything, although he had enjoyed trying the gastronomy of different countries while on tour with Queen.

But he’d never been fat – he’d never even that sort of perfect thinness of Roger’s, who was slim but still slightly curvy, wasn’t fat, but there was a certain… well, something more than just skin and bones. He filled pants and shirts better, while still being perfectly skinny. But Brian… He’d always been little more than skin and bones, making mothers and grandmothers all over time and space ask him to eat more. He’d been called a stick, a bag of bones, long man… All sorts of names saying the same thing: he was too thin.

And now he was still too skinny, but his pants wouldn’t fit, because there was a baby bump getting in the way.

Most of the people didn’t know, though, and just thought that he was getting fatter in the usual way most of them did, just eating too much. Some people said that it was about time he started eating more, others were flabbergasted at the fact that all his fat was concentrated on his lower abdomen and wondered how something like that would happen. A tiny minority correctly guessed that he was pregnant, and asked if they could touch his belly, which Brian found…disconcerting. He didn’t know what was he supposed to do, if he should smile, just let them touch, say he would rather not… He didn’t want to be rude, but having so many hands in his stomach, was strange. There should only a person in there, and that was the baby.

Of course, there was a lot of people who made rude comments about his weight, and how he “had eaten too many doughnuts”. Brian was afraid that the next time someone mentioned how much Brian had let himself go, Roger would punch the person. He got really offended and worked up on Brian’s behalf, and would say very mean things in response. It was quite a show.

But it was also the only times that Roger got angry or violent lately, because this last month he’d been on an unending high of happiness. He had thought of a million things to do with the baby, about how they could take him on tour (where Brian was convinced it was going to be a girl, Roger was convinced it was going to be a boy, with dark hair and a cute noise like his own, and maybe big hazel eyes. Roger wanted a smaller version of his boyfriend, if he was honest), about all the things they could teach him…He’d even read a book just called “early musical education”. A lot of things like that.

He was just so happy! He hadn’t wanted to be a father so bad, he’d always imagined himself having some kids, but hadn’t desired that so much, not until he got together with Brian. The guitarist was going to be the best father ever, and was going to give their kids awesome genes of intelligence, and talent and really great fucking hair. (A little voice in his head told him that depression could hereditary too, but that was not important). This little boy was going to be a wonder, smart and fierce, beautiful and resourceful, and he was going to have the best family ever.

Because Freddie and John were also going to be, in the very least, uncles, and those were some very good uncles to have. Freddie had already bought the baby a million things. Little clothes, toys for when he or she were newborn and for all the first year, a lot of decorations for the room… If they let him, he would end buying the crib and diapers and everything. He just knew that sometimes they fought a lot, and it could seem like he didn’t care for Brian or Roger, and he wanted to make sure that they knew that in spite of all that fighting he cared about them, a lot, and that he wanted to be part of this new moment in their lives. Freddie wanted to let them know, in any way he could, that he was very happy for them.

Not as happy as Roger was, that joy machine. He loved everything. He’d let go of a lot of his anger (why be angry? he was a rockstar, he had fans, he was valued as a great musician and had an outlet for all his creativity, he was considered an extremely beautiful person and he had a gorgeous boyfriend and a kid on the way. Life was good) and he was just excited about what was coming, about being a dad, about all the ideas this was giving him, about how this would bring him and Brian even closer.

They’d been really affectionate that last month since they’d found out, even more than usual. A happy Roger was also a handsy Roger, and he now used every excuse in the book to get Brian shirtless. He loved the curve of his belly, he loved thinking that Brian had a baby, a baby of the two of them, growing inside him. He loved how Brian looked with that little belly and he loved giving him belly rubs and massages, or just contentedly caressing the bump, up and down, up and down (his favorite moment of the day!). Brian would smile one of his sweet sad smiles, and Roger thought that beauty like that couldn’t even be described, that it was beyond words. (Yeah, he was oddly mushy and corny when it came to his pregnant boyfriend, all right? He could be sweet too, he wasn’t just angry drummer boy. He had sweetness too)

And it was the fact that he thought that Brian was most beautiful thing in creation one of the many reasons that made him want to punch the living daylights out of anybody who said anything dismissive about Brian’s appearance, like how “he had let himself go” or “he could do with some exercises because he was looking a bit out of shape”. Roger got really angry, and not just because the things were saying were not true, Brian looked absolutely stunning, as usual, but because the subject of his weight was a sensitive one.

The specialist told them that while everything was okay, Brian couldn’t afford to lose any weight, and in fact it would be better if gained some pounds. It had been a comment about eating more to avoid any kind of issue, but Brian had taken it hard. He had already been scared that the baby wouldn’t have enough with his bony body, that it would need more, more meat, more flesh, more nutrients and stuff. So this comment hit him hard.

Although the morning sickness had faded away somewhat, there was still a lot of food he couldn’t stomach, a lot of food that put him off, and many many smells that made him nauseous. He was supposed to be eating more, and instead he was only throwing up when he forced himself to eat. That couldn’t be good, for the baby or him. The only cravings he got so far were for lemonade and crackers, and those weren’t enough to feed a developing child. He felt horrible about it, about how he couldn’t follow a simple instruction as “just try to gain some weight”.

One evening, Roger came back from some jamming with the guys (they’d recorded a few things, but it was hard without Brian, who came very often, but not every day) when he heard an odd noise coming from the bathroom. It was Brian, sobbing his eyes out on the bathroom floor hugging a familiar sized thing of peanut butter. There were some remains of… regurgitation on the toilet bowl, and Brian’s face was crossed with tears, his eyes red and bloodshot. Roger immediately knelt in front of him.

“Love, what happened?”

“I tried to… but I can’t. It comes back up, and I can’t.”

“Brian, honey…”

“I can’t eat, Rog, I can’t fucking eat and I am going to put the baby in danger. She needs… she needs nutrients and food to grow her little organs and develop, and I can’t give her even that. I’ve failed our daughter before she’s even born.”

This was a bad moment. Possibly the worst since they found out.

When they’ve told Roger about emotional outbursts, about how pregnancy made people very hormonal crazy, he had pictured throwing things out of windows, incredible mood changes from happiness to tears and vice versa, explosions of rage and bile with no explanations that ended up with some begging for forgiveness. Something explosive, something even angrier than the usual Brian being angry, because he was the perfectionist he had always been. But he didn’t get that, he didn’t crazy angry that at all.

What he got instead was a Brian that cried at everything, a Brian that didn’t know his place anywhere, not even in his body. A Brian that felt that he was taking all the wrong steps, and that at any sad thought he had, the hormonal charge came and told him “yes, that’s true, you’re horrible and you should cry your eyes out about it”. Roger felt… a bit ill-equipped for this.

Being Brian’s long-term boyfriend meant you had to learn how to deal with bouts of sadness and depressive episodes, obviously, but still, it was hard for Roger. He would much rather have him screaming bloody murder at him, calling him all sorts of names. Because the anger faded, and he really didn’t mean those bad words he said. He knew first hand, because he’d often said terrible things while angry, and then asked to be forgiven. It was something that never lasted.

It was different with sadness, it was different with Brian’s sadness. Because that sometimes wasn’t just a thing of the moment, a thing that passed. Sometimes it swallowed him whole, like a sickness, like a virus. Like a fucking black hole. And while Brian normally got himself back up, and got out of that darkness, he suffered a lot while in it, and Roger hated it. He needed to find a way to fix this, even if it wasn’t area of expertise. Not just the baby’s sake, but for Brian’s.

He deserved better than feeling like he was failing everyone, when he was doing all he could, the poor soul. Roger couldn’t imagine what it must feel, to find out you’re pregnant when you’re already three and a half months along, to have everyone comment on your body changing, to be afraid of not doing anything right. And Brian had been very sick not that long ago too, he was probably terrified of relapsing while still pregnant. It was complicated, but Roger couldn’t bear the tears on Brian’s face and knew he had to do something.

“You’re not failing anyone, love. The baby is fine as long as you’re fine. Yeah, the doctor said that you could do with eating more, but she didn’t say that you’re hurting the baby like this, all right? It was a recommendation. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

Roger cleaned Brian’s face with a little had towel, and all the care in the world.

“If for any reason, something goes wrong, then we’ll deal with it, ok? But whatever happens, I know you are trying to do the best for our child, I know, but you should take care of yourself too. Don’t do anything that hurts _you_ just because somebody said it would be good for the baby. You eat what you can now, and maybe some time later you’ll be able to eat more. But don’t cry, and don’t feel like you’re failing anyone. You’re not.”

Brian sob-coughed a bit more, trying to go back to his senses, to a less teary version of himself. Trying to focus on Roger’s words.

“I’m sorry I made such a mess. I feel…useless. I’m sorry I’m like this.”

“Don’t worry about it, love. Just remember that I love you, so so much, no matter what happens. Sure, I’d prefer it if you didn’t have to be so down, but I know it’s not anything you can control. Just remember, the only one who thinks you’re failing is yourself. The rest of the world thinks you’re amazing, you rock guitarist astrophysicist and parent to be. You have nothing to be sorry about.”

There was some hushing and Roger put his forehead on Brian’s, closing his eyes to be able to turn off the lights on himself. Brian did so too, focusing only on the warmth of Roger’s forehead and breathing, on the sound of his hushing. Things were going to be okay. He was allowed to be thin, or fat, or whatever the world wanted to throw at him. The baby was okay, and he was… closer to being okay, too.

“Let’s get in the shower, both of us, clean those tears properly, all right? Tomorrow, you’ll come with us to make some music, because when you don’t you get too wrapped up on yourself, ok? You have to hear John’s new song, not to mean, but it’s hideous! Maybe musically good… but the style...God, cringeworthy. Maybe it will be better with a guitar solo, huh?”

Brian smiled a little and Roger felt he’d recovered the years of life he’d lost when he found Brian thrown in the bathroom like that.

“Let’s get out of these stained clothes (there was tears, puke, but gratefully no blood) and let’s have ourselves a nice long shower.”

“You’re coming too?” Brian asked, his eyes still bloodshot but hopeful.

“Of course I am. When have you known to pass on an occasion to see you naked, my love?”

They made out under the shower, softly, slowly, gently kissing each other as if it was the first time. Roger caressed every bit of Brian, from his neck to his bigger belly, his hands, his back, everywhere. Roger wanted to show him how much he loved every part of him, how perfect he was to him. How grateful he felt for every finger, every strand of hair, that sweet belly button, and each and every bone.

It was the way he had making Brian feel loved, feel better.

That night, already dry but still in a bit of a cloud, Brian was on the bed tampering with some notes from an idea he had for a new song and Roger sat down next to him, serious.

“Brian?”

“Humm?”

“Listen to me, this is important. I know I’ve been really happy and I know you don’t want to me bring me down. But you don’t need to wait until I’m out to break down, Bri. I’ll love and stay with you even if you cry all the rest of days of pregnancy – but I really hope that won’t be the case. What I mean is, please don’t feel like you can only express these when you’re alone, or in songs. I’m here, and I know sometimes I get angry at you, and I know sometimes I’m… impatient, or easily, or sensitive enough. But for you… For you I become the best person ever.”

“Thanks, Rog. That really mean a lot, I’ll… I’ll try to keep it in mind.”

Roger smiled a big grin. He was thinking something exciting, apparently.

“So, you want to do that thing where you put classical music on headphones to the belly? Get our son loving music from the first moment.”

“I don’t think she even has ears yet, Rog.”

“Even better! He’d been hearing music since before he had ears, so music came naturally to him.”

“It’s a her. And how are you going to bring the disc player here?”

“Just wait!”

Brian had to admit, having those headphones on his belly and hearing the faint sound of some opera, some Vivaldi and some Chopin coming from them, felt… Natural. Good. He closed his eyes, soothed from all the day, from all those thoughts that had been haunting him.

Roger smiled watching it (Brian looked so good! So fascinating, so complicated, so deep, so powerful, so stunning!) and kissed Brian again, then put looked at him in the eye.

“This baby is so lucky to have you, Brian. As am I.”

Brian smiled, again. It was so uplifting, when dark moments became this full of light, this sweet.

“This baby is very lucky to have you too.”

By the time Brian got to the five month mark, the nausea had faded, he had a proper pregnant belly and had managed to get those extra couple of pounds (not more – never more as this was gotten with a lot of effort). He was... happier, and more confident as to how he was, in general. He played the guitar less, but sang more. There was a certainly quality to his voice, lately… Freddie called it “lemon honey”, extra sweetness but a tiny bit sad. It was delightful to anyone who heard it.

There was a bed, and Brian was reading a book, and there was some classical music in his round stomach, and Roger was huddled up against him, fast asleep.

The moment was…Amazing, ideal, wondrous, awesome…. well, it was beyond words.

A moment he felt lucky to be living.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a quick reminder that is a fictionalisation, loosely inspired on a movie and some band videos and set in an Alternate Universe. None of this pretends to be have anything to do with the actual people. This chap is fairly fluffy but the next one will feature a big fight and some bad moments, so enjoy the good parts and braces yourselves for some angst soon. Thanks for reading and enjoy!!!

This was, well this was a tense moment. 

Most of the people were very happy about Brian and Roger's impending parenthood, saying lots of congratulations and telling Brian how well he looked now with that little pregnant belly. That he looked very beautiful, and that they were really happy for him. Everyone was happy for him, except one of the people that mattered most to Brian. 

His father thought that he could do so much better, and had been hoping that this infatuation with his bandmate was not something lasting, but a simple passing crush. He'd never been too happy that Brian got together with Roger, he simply didn't think that the blond was good enough for his only son. Because he'd had much higher, bigger expectations. 

Brian's father imagined that his boy would marry and form a family with another science prodigy, maybe some scholar, maybe an executive, something that one could be proud of, someone one would would be happy to call a son in law. Someone with more class than this, much more. It wasn't that he was classist or anything like that, but he had such high hopes for Brian. 

Brian was spectacularly intelligent, and so very talented and handsome. He could have chosen any person he wanted, could have gone to the best places, could have been an academic star, someone with a great career, and an incredibly interesting background and family. That could have been Brian, he could have had it all, they had fought hard so that he could could be everything he could have been, so that he fulfilled his potential. 

And instead he had decided to spend his life playing guitar for a rock band, throwing a future in science through the window, leaving everything behind. It had been hard for his father to accept it, very hard, even when he saw how good his son was playing all those songs, and how much people admired and appreciated his musical talent. He still didn't fully accept it. 

The same way he didn't fully accept his relationship with Roger, and probably never would. It wasn't that he didn't like Roger, he wasn't a bad kid, but... He wasn't all that good either. A blonde little drummer with a reputation of sleeping around and a shrill high voice? Someone who got angry at the drop of a hat? A smoker and drinker who wrote songs about cars? Brian deserved better than that, so much better. 

Brian's father simply didn't think that Roger was good enough for his son, and had hoped that their... entanglement would end soon. But now they were going to have a child together, and they seemed to be very happy about it. This sealed their relationship in a way, and he really wasn't happy about it. Wasn't happy that half of his grandchild's genes would come from...him. With that long hair and those sunglasses inside. 

So as they were having tea, Mr. May was quite cold with Roger, and kept throwing disappointed looks at Brian and his baby bump. He knew he was supposed to be happy for Brian, being a parent was a great experience, and his son had been so smiley and full of light when he'd arrived, with his plans for the baby, with an (excessively) affectionate boyfriend by his side... But this was not the way it was supposed to go. Brian was supposed to be going places, receiving academic awards, discovering hidden truths about the universe. And then he would settle down and have a family of his own... that was better that this.

And instead he was writing rock songs and expecting a child with some long haired blonde whose biggest ambition was to be famous and popular. This child meant that Roger was there to stay, and it was disappointing. 

And all this... cold, all this disappointment was making Roger very angry. First of all, he was absolute delight, he was smart, he was talented, he was driven and ambitious and he was an affectionate person with a lot to give. He was good enough for Brian or anyone, thank you very much, and there was no reason for this cold treatment and thinly veiled disdain. It was wrong, because this man had simply decided that Roger wasn't good enough, when he knew that he was a great boyfriend. 

No one that met the guitarist now would know him like he did, would understand him as much as Roger. They both shared a passion for music, and because they were in the same band they didn't have to spend long periods of time separated when they toured. He was a great guy, and they should be thankful that he was going to be the father of their grandchild. And it wasn't just that. 

Brian had thought that his father would be over the moon when he saw him expecting, when he saw that yes, he was going to be a grandfather in some short few months. Instead, the man looked disappointed, making Brian feel that he'd done something wrong, that this child was the wrong step to take. It hadn't been planned at all, and it had taken him a while to get used to it. His father's cold demeanor set him back from a lot of progress.

Now Brian felt that he was being a letdown just by getting pregnant, and barely being able to keep the tears at bay. This was supposed to be good news, this was supposed to be a great moment in their lives, and now it was tinged with... disdain, contempt, disapproval. Hurt. 

Brian's mum tried to convince her husband to be more... open, more accepting, mostly because she could how much it was affecting Brian, who was an easily hurt soul, and was now more sensitive than ever. She also tried to distract Roger when he seemed about to snap, about to break something or throw a tantrum. She liked the man, especially because Brian seemed happier with him than with anyone else, but he did have a temper. 

Brian too was worried that this tension would end up with Roger saying something he shouldn't have, with making everything even uglier. And he was worried that his father would treat their child with coldness too. And he was worried that he was going to cry, when this was supposed to be one of the happiest moments in his life. Instead, Roger managed to be the bigger man, just taking Brian's hand, and saying. 

"Mrs. May, you are welcome to come to our house to see the baby's room. Thank you for having us."

And they left. 

It was an odd, unpleasant night that night. No one was really happy with what had gone down, and they knew it wasn't anything they could fix, because someone else's opinion what out of their control. 

They were silent for a bit, and then they watched some tv after dinner. Brian turned it off. 

"I'm sorry my dad was like that with you. He has no reason." It needed to be said.

"And I'm sorry that you had to go through that, love. Sure, being treated like that stung, but what hurts me more is the slight against you and your choice, and in some way to our child, too."

"I know that it's stupid, but... It made me feel like a was disappointing everyone. Like this pregnancy was a mistake, and that everyone would shake their heads disapprovingly at the baby too."

Roger motioned for Brian to come to him, cuddled him to best of his ability in that old couch.

"You're not disappointing anyone by living the life you want, Brian. You are living your dreams, you are making me happier than I could ever dream to be, you know that, right? That's what's important. I love you, I love the baby already, and I'm not going to allow some disdain to ruin this... great moment that we're having."

"Thanks, Rog. I just... I feel like I'm always complaining about something, always sad about something. I feel like I am always burdening you with cheering me up, and it's not fair on you."

(He also feared that he would be passing all this unstable mental health to their child, but he was hoping the baby would take after Roger in that aspect). 

Roger made one of his "don't be stupid", faces.

"Nonsense"

It was true that sometimes dealing with Brian could be... tiresome, but he didn't need to know that. Besides, he liked helping Brian, it made him feel important, necessary. An irreplaceable ingredient of Brian's life. He was great for his boyfriend and he was going to be great for their little boy too. 

And while he was being great, he had a great idea: 

"Let's go to the planetarium. I feel like listening to you give me nerd lessons about space."

This... helped the situation somewhat. It helped distract both of them from the tension of the day, remind them that the evening had just been a small bad moment in the grand scheme of things. Something not all that worrisome. 

The next week Brian wrote a song about bitterness, about disappointment and the people you loved letting you down when important moments were coming. It was intense, and it had a great guitar solo in the middle. It helped someone exorcise the demons of those disapproving looks, of all that disdain. It was reason enough to be angry, it was almost reason enough to be mean. 

And fortunately, the rest of the people weren't so... judgy.

Roger's family was absolutely delighted, telling Brian how glad they were that he was part of their family, that they couldn't think of a better father for that baby, that they were delighted that he and Roger were so close, so happy together. They were all smiles, and kind words and presents for the baby. 

"And this is for you, Brian, sweetheart, I know that pregnancies are not easy, especially for a sensitive, gentle soul like yourself."

It was a box of chocolates. 

"Don't let Roger eat any!" Roger's mum said. "They are all for you, all right? Treat yourself. God knows you deserve it, after putting up with Roger all this time!"

Roger pretended to be offended, but it was a sweet moment, and they laughed good-naturedly. Roger's parents and sister were simply delighted with everything: the baby, Brian's increasing belly, even Brian himself. He was such a gentle, caring person, a perfect breeze to make sure that Roger's fire didn't burn down everything around him. He was intelligent, and passionate too, but much more calm than their son. It was a great match, and they were convinced that this child couldn't better parents. 

It made Brian feel better about the whole situation,about the baby, about his place and the child's place in the family. Obviously she was going to have the most loving parents in the world, but not just that. Having a extended family could be important too, knowing that there were some people that would look after her if something happened to them.

And being cold and judgy could do bad things to a child's self esteem... But all this open affection could do great things. 

It had already done the great thing of those chocolates, which, gratefully enough, didn't make Brian want to vomit his entire insides, and it would do so much more.   
But it wasn't just Roger's family. Brian's mum returned to their place and was warm and attentive, telling her son very often how happy she was for him, how glad she was that there was a baby on the way. It was a nice moment, where she even apologised for the rudeness of her husband. 

"He had no right to treat you like that, dear, when you've been such a good man with our Brian. But he's stubborn, and no matter how much I scold him..."

Freddie and John were also very happy about the whole thing. Sure, they'd loved the concept when they first found out, but now that Brian was bigger and they could see that it was an actual real thing and not just a concept, they were even happier. It was even an inspiration, for songs about new life, about creating marvels, about beginnings and moments that brought everyone closer, that brought light into their lives. 

John loved children, and he was happy to know that soon enough they would have a kid that was (obviously) going to be in a way part of the band, a child that could clap when they played, look at his parents in awe and at the music they made. It was such a nice thought, so pleasant, so warm. He'd hadn't thought it would happen this soon for Roger and Brian, but truly, neither had they. Still, it felt like the right moment. A good moment for everyone. 

Freddie had worried a bit about what this meant for the band, because Brian was obviously going to be out of commission for a while, probably Roger too, but they had talked about getting some time off, and if he was honest, he could use it too. A time to reorder his ideas, to polish everything that was going around in his head, to organise himself and plan, plan like a crazy person all the things they would do once Brian was back. 

And any doubt he may have disappeared when he saw Brian scratch his belly absent-mindedly, or when he saw Roger caressing the baby bump. This pregnancy had helped a lot to somehow dull his very sharp edges, and although they loved Roger for all he was, including tantrums and appliances thrown out of windows, it was great to see him more calm, happier. Great to have some rest from all the drama. 

And even though it was very early, Freddie got them a present that nearly brought both Roger and Brian to tears. It was a tiny xylophone, childproof and colourful, perfect for some very little hands. 

"I know it will still be a while until your baby can play it, even just touch it... But I wanted you to have it. I am really really happy for you two, and I want you to know that I will love that baby like the part of family he or she is going to be. If you ever need me, I will be there."

A heartwarming moment, one of many to come. 

So sure, there were some people who didn't approve and were not happy about this pregnancy, this baby (not just his father, but a bunch of fans who felt that Roger could do better, record execs who had wanted Queen to tour forever...) but really, the opinion that mattered the most was theirs. 

And they loved each other, their baby, and this moment.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn't wait for the angsttt.... Again, fictional, done for fun purposes, nothing to do with reality. Enjoy and please do comment if you like!!

"Why can't you just fucking listen and let me do things my way, Brian!"

"Because you're wrong, it's wrong and I'm not going to stand while you..."

"I am not wrong and it bothers you, doesn't it? That's why you're always fighting, because you have to be right about everything." 

"Roger..."

Roger was quite drunk and had been cheerful, partying and letting go for the first time in a long time, but when he came back Brian was angry at something. Roger was tired of all this fighting, so his drunken mind decided that he was going to go for the kill. Say the things that hurt the most, so he could win the argument for once, maybe rid himself of some future arguments. He was going to leave Brian speechless for once, win and silence him. 

"No, Fuck you, Brian! You know, I could have been with anybody that I wanted, the whole world wanted to fuck me. And I threw it all away, all those hot men and women... for what, for you? You aren't worth it, you never were. I fucking regret choosing such an arrogant, whiny excuse of a boyfriend. I'm going out to live life for once. When I come back, I hope you're not here."

Roger stormed off, and the door made an awful too-loud sound. Brian opened his mouth to say something, holding out a hand, but it was too late. Brian got his heart broken and stood there, frozen, trying to process the words he'd heard. 

He knew, he absolutely knew that a lot of the blame for this rested on him. He'd been a bit insufferable these past few weeks, and it had all built up. All his insecurities when he found out about the baby, his weight concern, the people around them... Roger had to reassure him on his million insecurities and it had probably got old, and tiresome. Then there was all the fights, big and small, all the disagreements... But Brian thought that on the important things they agreed. Thought it would never come to this. 

But he should have known, shouldn't he? That it all had been too much and Roger would eventually snap, and leave him for good. But he hadn't expected him to be so harsh, saying that he regretted choosing him, that he wasn't worthy. He rubbed his belly, broken-hearted. Did he really think that of him? Of them? 

Brian could suddenly picture them having custody battles, making a schedule of which days the kid was going with who and fighting about it. He could imagine them talking only through lawyers, demanding money from each other. And he wanted to cry because the child would be stuck in the middle of it and it was such an ugly situation...

And then Roger would find someone new, and then their little girl would prefer to go with them because they spoiled her more, and he would hardly see his daughter and would lose her on top of losing Roger, leaving him even more alone. Abandoned, because he just wasn't worth the time, worth the trouble. 

And this new love interest of Roger's would end up playing guitar for Queen, because with both of them in the band it would be tense, too ugly. A bad situation not good for either of them or the band. "There was just too much tension in the band, darling, it's nothing personal." But it would be, it would very fucking personal and it would leave Brian without anything because he just wasn't worth it. Not worthy of Roger, of their little girl, of Queen. 

He'd fooled himself thinking he could have it all - when in a single moment, everything could go to hell. And it felt deeply unfair.  
He was a good musician, he'd been a great boyfriend, no matter how difficult Roger could be and he was going to be a great parent. 

Ok, so maybe he hadn't been at his best lately. Maybe this pregnancy had made him (even more) self-centered than usual, and he hadn't paid enough attention to Roger's needs, hadn't been there for him as much as he should have. Had been too focused on himself to see anyone else. But still, he thought what they was stronger...it stung. 

A part of Brian had always feared, since the first moment they got together, that he wasn't enough for Roger. That the drummer would eventually decide that were plenty of fish in the sea and he wanted to try all of them. That all his time with Brian had been wasted, an absolute mistake. It hurt to hear the words coming from Roger, because now he felt that all his fears had been true. 

Roger didn't want him anymore, maybe he never had. He regretted what time they had together. Roger had been there in all his plans for the future, had been a great part of it, and now he was going to deal with everything without him. 

And he didn't want to do everything alone - he wanted Roger hugging him from behind, he wanted Roger's cuddle at night, he wanted his voice singing sweet nothings and him and their child. Roger had shown him everything he could be, made him think that he could have this forever... And then took it away. He was just not good enough, not worth it. 

Fearing losing himself himself on his sad thought too much, Brian went to the studio, where he knew Freddie and John would be discussing ideas for future albums. Maybe he could add some guitars, make himself feel a little better, a little more valid. But that wasn't what happened. When he arrived there, the others treated him and as if he made of glass, some breakable stranger that didn't "need" to work with them. And he realised that he had no place there, not in any of the songs, nothing. 

There was a sharp pain on his lower abdomen and he put his hands on his belly, scared. Then everything went dark.

  
*

Roger couldn't believe what he'd just done. As he was sobering up (slowly, painfully) he was having flashes of what had happened before, in their place. Had he really said all those awful things to Brian? His love, his partner, his boyfriend who was carrying his child? How he could have been so terribly hurtful to someone he loved so much? Someone who was even more delicate than usual? You done fucked up, Roger Taylor. This was going to be very hard to fix. 

He'd told Brian that he regretted choosing him, he'd told him he wasn't worth the trouble, asked him not to be there when he returned... It was so cruel, it was so horrible. The image of Brian the previous evening, with his curl, and his neck, and his long fingers and big belly... He'd let them down, he'd hurt the most precious person in the world. 

Whatever bad thing Brian may have done paled in comparison. Sure, he'd been a bit... off, lately, crying too much, complainy and needy, not wanting to go out, to do much work. Saying that he was tired. And Roger had been tired of listening to that and there had been some... annoyance building up on him. But still - he'd insulted his partner, said too mean things. All because he wanted to win an arguments. Stupid. foolish, bad. 

And the he'd left Brian alone, alone without a chance to defend himself, with only some harsh words for company in a house he used to call a home but now had been asked to leave. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Roger thought that the days when he let his temper get the best of him were in the past, but apparently they weren't. He'd let his anger control him and he had hurt one of the most important people in his life. He'd hurt Brian. 

His head was pulsating, his mouth awfully dry and his stomach was like a ship in the middle of a storm. He'd wanted to have one last party (a night and the next morning too!) but he'd overdone it. He'd gone too far, said words that should never be spoken. Fuck. 

Now he could lose everything for being such an irascible idiot. There was a good chance that Brian would forgive him, he loved Roger too much, but Roger wasn't sure that he deserved the forgiveness. Shit, he really was going to step up his "making up to you" game. Roses and chocolates wouldn't cut it. 

He really fucked up and he felt like and he just wanted to embrace Brian and say I'm sorry one million times. He went back home, hoping his boyfriend hadn't paid attention to his words, and had stayed at home. He called his name, hopefully, but there was no answer. Defeated, he fell on to the couch, put his head in his hands. No, no, no... 

Now he would have to call everyone asking for Brian and maybe they would know and hate him....

The phone rang, making his terrible headache worse. 

"Roger, I'm so glad to catch you, darling."

"Fred? What...?"

"We're at the hospital, the one where you went when you had that sprained ankle, remember..."

"Fred!" Roger had no time for games, and his mouth was even drier. Thy were in the hospital, and Freddie was obviously not hurt. Which meant.... "Fred, why are you in the hospital?"

"I'm afraid it's Brian. They took him in an ambulance, unconscious. He came to the studio, and he was paler than usual... And he passed out. We don't know anything yet, but we're hoping it's nothing serious."

Roger felt his heart stop. Brian was in the hospital. Brian had been unconscious and was now hospitalized. The baby maybe gone already. Maybe Roger's bile had been a bit too much to handle. 

"Did something happen? Brian seemed... out of sorts today, sadder than usual. Broken up. Which is sad, because he'd been doing so well lately..."

Yeah, he'd being doing well because he had an affectionate partner helping through the ups and downs of these last months and a child on the way. Now... he had an idiot man who was going to beg for forgiveness and... the idea that Brian may be seriously sick and could have lost the baby, their dear baby boy... It hurt. Roger wanted to scream. 

He had three coffees on the way and when he arrived to the hospital he was shaking like a leaf. He looked at Freddie and John with a question in his eyes. 

"We still don't know, dear. Someone should be coming soon."

"What happened?"

"He was... a bit off. Pale, his voice sounded small. And then... he looked at us in pain, and held on to his belly and he passed out. That's all we know." John said, with a sympathetic expression. 

"We caught him before he hit the floor, if you're worried about that." Freddie quickly added. "Made sure he didn't hurt himself. But we still..."

A doctor interrupted them. John recognised him as the doctor treating Brian.

"How is he?"

"He's fine, it was just low blood pressure, when it drops too quickly it can cause a syncope like that. He's been having some stomach complaints too, but we've ruled out anything concerning, it's likely just stress, or food poisoning. Did something happen recently that could cause anxiety?"

"Yes." Roger admitted, in a voice that was little more than a whisper. 

"That's probably it. We'll keep him in observation a while longer, but there doesn't seem to be anything serious happening. His bloodwork is fine, all the tests were fine, and although he's a bit low on iron and a couple of other things there's nothing alarming. And before you ask, yes, the baby's fine. It's just been a small scare, nothing else."

Roger could have wept right then and there. Brian didn't have anything serious. Just some stress (good work there, Roger). The baby was fine. Things were... fixable. There was still hope. 

The doctor gave them some advice to keep blood pressure up, specially in hot days and how to get the levels that Brian had on the low side to a higher place. It was good to know. And then... Then it was time for visiting. The others let Roger go first, not wanting to overcrowd poor Brian. 

Brian... as beautiful as he was, he didn't look all that good. The lights of the hospital made him look more boney, more... emaciated. There was an expression of pure sorrow on his eyes and he was looking at the wall on the side, neck pale and eyes bright. Roger didn't know what to say, if Brian would even want to hear him out.

"I'm so happy that you're okay. Well, obviously not all okay, but... The doctor said that they release you soon."

Brian moved to face his lover, uncertainty in his eyes.

Roger broke down, words spitting out of his mouth.

"I didn't mean it, ok, Brian? None of that. I just wanted to win the argument and thought of the most hurtful things to say. But I really didn't mean a single word, Bri. I don't regret anything, and I'm so glad I chose you, and that you chose me too. You are worth it, you're worth the world. I have been so lucky to meet you, to have you in my life. I love you, and I need you and I want you. I don't care about all the other men and women... When they told me you were in the hospital... I can't lose you, Bri. You're the most important thing I have."

Brian let out a deep sigh. 

"I don't know, Roger. I know I haven't been a great boyfriend lately, but... Even if you didn't mean it, you said it. You insulted me, practically kicked me out of our home. And I've been on the bad end of your anger bursts before but..."

"But now you're pregnant, and you wonder if our child will have to suffer like you. You're pregnant and you're even more hurt by everybody's words. I shouldn't have gone home drunk, and I get it now. But after this....I'm not gonna drink a drop until we're toasting with champagne while presenting our baby. This... horrible day has made me realise how much more important you and that baby are than any party, any drink, any sexy fan."

"Still...."

Roger dropped to the chair by the bedside, with pleading eyes. 

"It's all right if you need some time. But it's going to change, ok? That was the last you saw the angry drunken Roger. I hate him. And our child will never get to know him. It's something that I knew I had to change... this has been my wake-up call. I'll do better, I promise. Please let me come back with you, let me make it up to you."

There was some silence. Brian scratched his belly, knew a decision had to be made. He sighed again.

"I'll give you another chance, Rog, because I do feel you are honest when you say didn't mean it, and I know I have some stuff to work on myself. I'll be better. But your words were... almost violent, Rog. The next time there's violence against me I'm walking out. For good."

Roger nodded, tearing up. He'd been given another chance. Blessed.

"There won't be a next time. Brian, god, I'm so glad you're okay, I was so fucking terrified..."

"Please don't hurt me like that me again."

"I won't. Ever. Promise."

Roger had one of Brian's hands on his own, and was caressing it, like he used to in Brian's stomach. They would get back - Roger had learned a valuable lesson, the need to control his temper and how much he could lose if he didn't. This time Brian and the baby were okay, but the outcome could have been much worse. 

He watched Brian sleep uneasily in that hospital bed and bowed to be better. 

And thus passed the worst moment of the wait until their baby was born.


	5. Chapter 5

"Brian? Are you okay?"

Considering that the last time Brian had held his belly in pain he'd passed out, Freddie was now hypervigilant every time Brian did that. Which he just had - winced, held his big belly. It was scary. But Brian just smiled. 

"Yeah, don't worry about it. The baby's just restless, sometimes it hurts when she kicks. But I'm fine."

Brian didn't seem all that fine lately. Even if him and Roger had patched things up the joy from the beginning, from when they were receiving all those gifts, was gone. There was a bit of a shadow in his eyes, something that wasn't quite right, as much as he tried to hide it. 

The last thing he'd composed and sang had been absolutely heartbreaking and Freddie was getting was getting slightly worried. There had been such sorrow in his voice, in his lyrics... He claimed that it was written mostly about a nightmare he had about the baby in which she was born dead and it had been really vivid and detailed and it had affected him a lot. 

(It was something that was going to be hard to forget, he saw her face and she was dead, she had died while inside him - he killed his baby girl, failed her)

But something was going on with him, and Freddie wanted to get to the bottom of it. 

There was still a lot of sorrow in Brian and although he managed to hide it quite well, there were some signs the others had learned to look out of, some tell tales little details that told them he was not okay. The first one was the songs he wrote: while a huge part of them were, in one degree or other, sad, sometimes they were very telling of how he was feeling. And his last song had been heartbreaking so that was not good. 

Another sign were his eyes - Brian's eyes were very expressive, you could see a lot in them, all sorts of emotions, all kinds of thoughts going round his head. Sometimes he smiled with his mouth but his eyes told a different story , sometimes you could see in them how excited was about something, how cheerful he felt even if it was a normal day.

That day Brian's eyes weren't weepy, but weren't happy either. 

And Freddie could tell not only that Brian was sad, but how guilty he felt about it, because he was supposed to be enjoying this time a lot. Enjoying the kicks and the moving around of the baby, instead of just wincing and looking as if he'd lost his will to live. 

Usually being with Roger made him happy but after the whole debacle from the past weeks... It would take some time until that wound was healed and they managed to go back to where they were. It was another thing for Brian to be sad about, on a moment that he should be full of joy. 

Freddie, although he knew that one single thing wasn't going to be enough to make Brian absolutely happy and make that shadow disappear... he wanted to do something special for Brian, something that he would love, put a smile on his face. 

But it was hard. 

Taking him to some other legend guitarist could make him feel insecure about his own guitar playing skills and make him sad that he couldn't play as much as he did before.

Not that then. 

He'd thought about getting him a romantic getaway too, but considering things between him and Roger were still a bit tense, so that gift may not be as exciting as Freddie wanted it to be. Besides, Freddie wanted to be there during the whole thing, and he couldn't very much add himself to something romantic for two, right? He wanted to be there the whole time, for the whole experience. 

Brian could see Freddie plotting and dreaded it. He'd been a bit down lately and was not up to dealing with Freddie's shenanigans. A short time ago he would have been the first to join him but now... He felt too big and was having trouble to sleep, making him more tired than usual. was playing a lot of piano lately, and even brought back his harp from his parents'. (His dad threw a cold look at him and his belly. Screw him). The harp was actually helping because it was music different from everything, and that connected better with his state of mind. He hoped the baby was enjoying it too. 

That was what he was up to doing. Play the harp. Go out for dinner. Maybe meet some people in the studio or in a pub. But Freddie could think of the most explosive things... And he wasn't up for all of that. He was big and slow and often dizzy. Couldn't keep up. 

Brian knew (he knew) that the pregnancy was no excuse to be so terribly unenergetic. People that were more far along than he was were doing sports, going on trips, having long workdays. This was him being his usual terrible self. Maybe he should let Freddie do whatever he was planning - maybe he could use with the excitement and the adventure, maybe it would be good for him. 

Since the little scare they had, Roger had decided to do everything for him, not to not to let him run any risks. He didn't want Brian to be alone, ever, in case he fainted again. Brian managed to sneak out occasionally but the last couple of weeks he'd been living a very sheltered life. He was being treated as if he were made of glass and Brian was bored. And tired. And a bit sad. 

"I'm sorry about me, little girl. You deserve better."

He did that more often now, talking with her. She didn't judge. Her whole world was Brian's insides, so she cared about him and what happened to him. Brian hadn't wanted to talk too much, to get too attached in case something went wrong... But how could he not get attached to her when she was growing inside him? 

She was part of him, like it or not. Not yet a person but already so important for him, so very loved. Brian wondered what she would think about this whole Freddie business. (Could she think already?) Would she tell him to embrace the adventure or to play it safe and shy away from him and his complications? Would she inherit Roger's unending energy or his tendency towards introspection and contemplation? She was going to be intelligent, that was for sure. 

The next day, there was an invitation on the mail waiting for him. 

"A NIGHT AT THE PLANETARIUM: TRIBUTE DINNER TO BRIAN HAROLD MAY"

Uhhhm? So this was what Freddie had been planning? It didn't sound all that bad, he always loved having an excuse to go to the planetarium, and the dinner part also seemed a good thing, now that that he was so much more hungry much more often. 

He asked Roger about it, and the blond just smiled. 

"You'll have to wait and see. But you're going to love it. Wear something nice."

Roger kissed him in the cheek and left, claiming that he had something to do. Which was obviously connected with this "night at the planetarium", but Brian didn't mind. He was glad to have a bit of time to himself, to be able to think more clearly. 

When he was changing, he caught a glimpse of his shirtless self on the mirror, caressed his big baby bump. 

"You've made me more beautiful than I ever was, little girl."

Looking at himself, and feeling her inside, Brian decided that it was going to be better from now on. He smiled at himself and his big reflection on the mirror. It was going to be all right. 

He wore a big white blouse that was tighter now, and a metallic necklace to make it more special. There wasn't much he could do about his hair, but he felt he looked quite good. Fairly interesting and good looking for someone heavily pregnant. 

There was an usher at the entrance of the planetarium that took him to the special main hall that had been specially prepared for him. Freddie and John were there, as well as other friends of their, like Tim and some people from university. They all seemed very happy to see him, told him he looked wonderful and that they couldn't be happier. It was nice, to see all those friendly faces gathered, and it was nice to see all the vegetarian delicacies that were displayed there. 

"But before we eat, there's a little video we want you to see, dearest."

"You shouldn't have to..."

"Shush."

Brian smiled. An honest, genuine smile, that reached his eyes. 

The video started with some very interesting data about a space mission... and suddenly changed into the picture of a young girl, not older than six. 

_"What's your name, darling?"_

_"Suzie."_

_"So Suzie, who's your favourite Queen member?"_

_"Brian."_ She said, with a little smile. Brian thought he might melt.

_"Why do you like him?"_

_"Because... he always makes the best parts, of the songs, and... and I like his music, and his guitar."_

And then she blew a kiss to the camera. 

_"For you, Brian."_

There were several testimonials like that one. Some lovely teenage girls said that he had inspired them to take up music, a young mother wished him the best and spoke about how his music and helped her through some tough times (and that made Brian even more emotional) and a some older ladies called him every synonym of handsome in the book, and spoke about how they wished they were thirty years younger every time they saw him. And the last one...

_"You're my favourite member of Queen, too."_

Roger. His beautiful Roger, with his great eyes, with all that he was, looking gorgeous as usual. 

_"You're my guiding light, my anchor, my best friend, the man of my dreams. I love you more than words can describe. You're my everything, you and you and that baby angel inside you. My life is so much better since we're together and I hope that we can stay together until we're old and grey, despite how much we fight. You've made me better, and you've made my life so much better. I love you. I love us."_

And then he too, blew a kiss to the camera

_"For you, my love."_

That was when the real Roger came out of the shadows, and the kiss was made real. It was such a tender moment... Brian felt he could explode with joy. He'd never been showered with so much genuine affection... well, probably ever, and he was suddenly very glad of the choices he'd made. Of choosing music, of choosing Queen, of choosing Roger. 

This was an excellent moment he'd created, and Freddie was savouring it, watching his best friends hug and kiss and smile at each other so much. Brian seemed to be doing better, and Freddie felt so much more happy at that. They all had their faults, none of them were perfect. Brian could be too stubborn, sometimes a bit...stuck on old ideas. He had flaws, like the rest of them. 

But he overall a very good person, who cared about others, who was gentle and kind, who kept thinking about how to improve things, who used his privileged mind to make beautiful things. And he'd been thrown into this whole parenthood business without any warning, and had been having a hard time. He'd deserved a nice moment like that, some reassurances from the world, some "I'm sure you're going to be an amazing parent", some "you're an incredible musician", some "I love you"s. 

After the dinner they went through some of the gifts the fans had sent for the baby and by the end of the night, Brian was thoroughly exhausted, but happy.

Sometimes, one moment could change it all.


	6. Chapter 6

Just after starting his eighth months of pregnancy Brian had passed out again, and was now ordered to be (at least two weeks) in bedrest. In general, this was a bad thing. It meant that he had a lot of to overthink everything, and get too caught up with his own demons. Those little voices that told him that he was going to be an awful, that his little girl deserved better, that he was going to fail every step of the way. Roger kept reassuring him, telling him that everything was going to go well, that they were going to be the greatest parents ever, that they were ready. 

The baby's things at least were very much ready. There was a room with a crib and and all the toys in the world, they even had some diapers already. There were baby bottles, and teeny tiny clothes and anything and everything the baby would need. Roger and Freddie had done a good job in gathering everything, and making he baby's room beautiful and welcoming and warm, apart from furnished with each and every little thing their child would need. That was most certainly ready. 

Roger was ready too. He'd read a dozen books on parenting, spoke to everyone he knew that had young children, collected tips and ideas. He was ready to meet his son, and because he knew that the first months were going to be inevitably harsh, he prepared himself for all those sleepless nights, for the crying at all hours, mentally prepared himself for the "worst baby scenario ever", just in case, and then if it wasn't so bad, he would be happy, and if it was that bad he would be prepared. So he got some nice reserves of energy, ate, slept and did all the calming and energetic things to be at his absolute best when the baby came. 

Because he was going to do most of the work at least in the beginning, he knew. Brian was quite... delicate, fragile (especially these past few weeks, but all through the pregnancy really) and Roger was sure that after going through something as strenous as childbirth he would be out of commision for a while. So Roger would have to do all the heavy lifting and hard work, but it seemed only fair, after Brian had had to do the hard work of growing that entire baby inside him. 

And Brian put a smile and said that he was fine, but the last few months had been very hard on him. The shock of the pregnancy in the beginning, his troubles to gain weight, the coldness of his father, the fight with Roger... It hadn't been an easy road, not at all. That combined with all the hormones, Brian's unstable mental health and some health concerns that never seemed to completely be healed...There had been plenty of bad moments. 

But there had been good moments too. 

The first and main one was the evening at the planetarium. They had all been so happy then. Roger felt that Brian had truly started to forgive him, that they were a couple again. That there wasn't any betrayal left in Brian's eyes. He was happy to be with his friends too, happy to chat and eat and drink with all those familiar faces. Happy to see Brian smile again. 

Because Brian had been very happy that night too, he'd seen his friends, he felt everyone's love... It had truly been a night to remember. Brian also thought fondly of Roger's hand in his belly when the baby kicked, of all the back massages, of all the pictures Roger was taking of him, claiming that he was gorgeous all big and round. He thought fondly of eating ice cream with Roger and balancing the food on his belly, and Roger's grin at that. He thought fondly of all the chocolates and all the loves received from most people around him. 

He kind of enjoyed being as big as he was lately. He liked the bump of his stomach, he liked how big it was. He'd always been really skinny and filling out like this, specially knowing that their child was inside him, it was... pleasant. Different from anything he'd experienced before, but a good kind of different. He'd found stretching clothes that fit and he enjoyed looking that and seeing the big belly, enjoyed rubbing it, even going shirtless around the house (which drove Roger mad because it made him want to... get busy each and every time. He was beautiful, their action in bed was so hot.)

Yeah, there had been some good moments. 

Still, Brian didn't think he was ready. 

He probably would never be ready. He felt too weak and drained for the challenge of the baby, he felt he wasn't enough for her. He felt that there would need to be at least five more people like him to take proper care of the baby. Much as he tried, he was tearing up at everything and dreading that he wasn't going to be able to look after his little girl properly, lost in his tears. Maybe when he saw her that would give him all the strength he needed... Or maybe it would only get worse. 

Lots of people got depressed after giving birth, so many that it had an actual name (postpartum depression) and he was already dangerously close to that without the added... risk factor. He'd wanted to distract himself from all these things and enjoy the rest of his pregnancy, do all the things they wouldn't be able to do in a few short weeks, enjoy Roger and the outside and hang out with friends, all those things. But no, now he was confined to a bed and doomed to stay overthinking everything. 

Roger was with him a great part of the time, trying to distract him. They watched telly together, they ate pop corn, they played word games. Sometimes they talked about the band, about the tours, about the songs. They still had very different approaches to rock and roll, but they understood and appreciated their partner's point of view. They also talked about more pedestrian things, like the weather, or whatever awful program they were watching on tv. 

They hadn't been able to decide on a name, and they both had very different opinions on the subjects. Brian wanted a relatively normal, traditional name, something that wouldn't get their little girl endlessly teased, something with a history and meaning. And Roger... Roger had many ideas, most of them outrageous, because they were rockstars, creative people and the first born son of Roger Taylor and Brian May couldn't have such a forgettable name as James or Thomas. It had to be special, it had to be different. 

As they weren't getting anywhere with it, they decided to wait until they saw the baby and decide then, when they were forced to choose because they had to put a name on the register. Roger was still convinced it was a boy, Brian was still convinced it was a girl. 

While on bedrest, Brian received some visits, too. Freddie was there practically every day, for a longer or shorter period of time and kept thinking of compliments for Brian, so that he would feel like he was the most beautiful and strong person in the universe, to compensate for all those mean things he surely was telling himself. He only had some gossip to tell, some new ideas for band, to help think about something else than his confinement to that bed. He brought smiles and a joyful feeling to the room. 

John usually brought more practical things. He brought food (and a lot of it), he brought supplies for the house, he helped with the laundry and other housework Roger ha been neglecting because he hadn't wanted to leave Brian alone for too long (sure, he had books and music and the tv to pass he time, but it was n't fair that he would be ill and bored and alone, on top of everything). So yeah, John was a great help in that aspect. His help was good so that they could focus on other things. 

Like the big moment that was coming their way. Roger was... a bit frightened. All the accounts he'd heard of labour had been quite harrowing, and he didn't Brian to go through that, for so long. It sounded so incredibly painful, there was so much suffering involved, and he really hated the idea that Brian would have to endure so much pain so that their baby would be born. It was wrong, it was something that Roger really really didn't want. He knew he had to be strong for Brian, but he'd always hated seeing him injured or ill.

How were they going to cope with something that would last hours? Hours of excruciating pain. It was not right. 

Brian would rather not think too much about it, because if he did... There was a part of him that was convinced that something would go wrong. That they would have to throw away all the toys and everything, that his nightmare would come true and she would be born dead, because she'd died before or because there had been complications in the birth, and she hadn't been able to...survive. Complications. That word kept going round Brian's head, and no tv show or friendly coul get it out. Complications. Complications, compli - 

"Sing something for me, babe." Roger said cuddled next to him in the bed. 

Brian smiled. At least he could still sing, and Roger always seemed to be happier and calmer after hearing him sing. It was a pleasure that still remained, untouched. A pleasant moment. 

Two weeks later, the doctor told Brian that he had recovered very well, and told him that he could leave the bed. Not do absolutely anything strenuous, but he could go for walk, meet friends for coffee. And just the idea of getting out of the house made Brian happy, which in turn made Roger happy.They were glad to be together, and relatively whole.  
They were full of joy for a while. Laughing, making jokes. Holding hands as they walked through the park, steling kisses, singing the most romantic duets. It was corny, but this was one of their happiest moments. The paparazzi caught on camera just how incredibly thrilled they were, the absolute joy in their eyes. They had surmounted every difficulty, and they were exceedingly happy about everything: their mutual company, the sun and the trees, the love they and the band were still receiving, even after this break and of course, the future, and their child. 

For a moment, Brian forgot about his insecurities, or at least they took a backseat on his mind. It was enough what he had now: the ability two again stand on his own two feet, Roger being sweeter than ever, knowing that the baby was all right. The rest things could wait, the rest of things didn't matter. They were there, they were okay, and they were happy. For some blessed time, smiles and joy were the main emotions of the day and everyone around them was very glad that they had turned all those bad days around, that they were enjoying this moment as much as they should, as much as they deserved. The moment was good.... 

Until Brian started feeling something going on in him, the beginning of what had to come. 

And then hell began. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for complicated birth

"Roger, you must promise me you will look after her."

"We both will."

"Roger, please."

Roger's beautiful face was crossed by tears. He was about to lose the person he loved most in the world and it hurt terribly. It had been so many hours, so long... Brian was in labour and everything was going wrong.

The doctor's didn't exactly know what was wrong with him, why was Brian declining so much. There didn't seem to be a reason, but they could tell that their patient was getting worse and worse. His vitals were steadily declining and the doctors were fairly certain that if they tried surgery his heart would stop. It wasn't an option.

Childbirth complications, they were calling it. Telling Roger, Freddie and John (they were waiting outside, as only Roger was allowed with Brian) all kinds of nonsense about how the body took this process differently and how it was a bigger strain for some people than others. The truth was the doctors didn't know what was it that was making his pulse weaker with every contraction, what was making his oxygen levels drop. They were also concerned about the amount of blood. It was entirely too much.

Maybe it had to do with the complications he had during the pregnancy, his difficulties to gain weight and his fainting spells. Maybe this was something that would be called "the May syndrome" in the future, and maybe future generations would have treatment and a way out, but Brian didn't. He was a medical mystery.

And because they didn't know what was causing all this, there was little they could do to stop it. Brian was slowly losing this fight, little by little, eaten by the pain, while trying to bring his child into the world. He was being transfused some blood but he was still so pale, there was so much pain in his eyes, the doctors were baffled and Roger was heartbroken.

Brian was fairly convinced that he was going to die. He was really broken up about it- he didn't want to say goodbye to Roger, not when they had so many plans, so many years to live together, so much music to create.. And it wasn't just him, there was a little girl who he would never get to meet.

It was so sad, so terrible knowing she was almost there and yet he would never get to see her, hold her, watch her grow. Roger would be devastated in the beginning, when their little girl needed them the most. Brian wondered what she would look like and if she would about this man who carried her... Maybe it would be best to spare her of the tragedy of her birth.

Brian's entire being was overwhelmed by fear and pain and sorrow. He wanted to stop hurting but was frightened that the moment the pain ended his life would end too. That he wouldn't be able to see Roger again, see the world around him, feel his little girl inside him. He didn't want it to end.

But all things must end. After nine excruciating hours, Brian was ready to push. He felt terribly faint, Roger's eyes blurry in front of him, his face a mess of sweat tears and spit. He could hardly make out the faces of the concerned doctors and just focused on two things: Roger's hand on his and bringing his daughter into the world. There was no more time for lamenting, not anymore. Now he had to do this last thing and give birth to his daughter.

His entire body seemed to crumble as he attempted to push. There was even more blood and the blood curling scream that came out of Brian was possibly the most horrifying thing Roger had ever heard. But he held himself together. For him, for Brian and for their baby. He needed to be there, to be whole. For his beautiful man, for their child.

It took so long and it was so much, but Brian once again focused on Roger in front of him, on helping the baby. Roger would look after her, after their daughter. The important thing now was that she was born all right. He had to rise above the pain, leave it aside. Not to look at all the blood and worry that the baby couldn't live amongst all that. Not to look at Roger's eyes and think that it was the last moment they were sharing.

Forger the world, forget yourself.

Just give birth.

He pushed again and the world got blurry with pain. There were dark circles dancing in front of his eyes, but Brian knew he couldn't give in to the darkness. His daughter needed him, and he had to be there for her.

He pushed again, stronger, harder. He was absolutely exhausted but got strength where there was none and felt an awful pressure taking over him. HIs whole midsection was screaming with the sheer pressure, laced with excruciating pain. He willed himself to stay awake to be able to finish, even if he was absolutely shattered.

"Just a couple more of pushes, my love! The baby is almost here!"

The baby had to be born, because Roger couldn't take it anymore. Watching Brian's pain but being unable to do anything, to help... He couldn't bear the screams, the tears, seeing all that blood he was losing, the incredible agony in his eyes. But it would end, and it would end happily, Roger kept telling himself. The baby would be born and Brian would stop bleeding and being in so much pain and things would be right again. They would meet their child and this would be just a bad moment in their memory.

Brian pushed again, his throat almost raw from screaming and could feel the babies head coming out.

"Just once more, my love! Only one more time!"

Brian breathed in, took as much air as he could. Closed his eyes, and a couple of tears fell through the edges, He held on to Roger's hand on to the gurney, his back arching while he pushed for the final time. The baby's shoulders came out and the midwife was able to take the baby out, and she was crying.

It was fine. She was there and she was okay. She was finally born. Doctors took the baby to clean it and then...

"I love you." Brian said, with his last breath, looking at Roger.

And then his heart stopped.

Roger didn't register much after that. He was screaming. Somebody took him out of the delivery room as he thrashed and shouted (Brian! No!) and he had to be held back by several people. Part of him had known that he could lose Brian but actually seeing it... It was unthinkable, indescribable. It hurt more than words could describe.

His world fell apart, into little pieces, the image of Brian pale on the delivery room and his heart stopping drowning every other feeling, every other sound. If Brian was gone... He cried into John's chest for a while until a nurse came back, with a hopeful look. Roger looked at her with bloodshot eyes.

"We were able to get his heart started again, his pulse his weak but stable." Roger grinned. Thank heavens. "If his vitals keep improving, he'll be stable in a few hours."

"And the baby?"

"She's a perfectly healthy little girl. You can go see her in the neonatal ward, if you'd like."

And there she was, a perfect little girl with wisps of blonde hair, blissfully unaware of all the trouble she had caused. Gentle and small with her arms going up and down... Roger knew that no matter what he would keep his promise to Brian, and look after her. For as long as they lived.

And then, just as Freddie finished helping him compose himself, they let Roger in Brian's room. He was still very pale and weak, wearing a nasal cannula and getting some more blood, but he wasn't in that much pain, and he was alive, and that was already incredible, amazing, the best of the best.

"Brian! You're alive, oh god, you're alive!"

Roger planted a messy kiss on his boyfriend's face and just looked at him, at those beautiful eyes that he thought he'd seen open for the last time.

"I'm surprised too. I was convinced this was... my last day on Earth. I'm very happy it wasn't. Where is...?"

As if on cue, a nurse brought the baby to the room, now that the doctors were letting people into Brian's room. With care, they placed the baby in Brian's arms, and he suddenly knew that everything had been worth it.

"She's amazing." Roger said, lost in the sight before him. He'd been so close to losing so much... But now no more tears were needed. The baby was lovely, they were together, Brian was going to be okay.

"Awwww, what a lovely moment!"

Somebody said that outside (Freddie? Another patient? Who cared?), and Roger smiled because yes, in that moment, everything was better than it had ever been. In that moment... they were together, they were happy they were whole.

"Have you thought of any names?"

"Now that I see her... Astrid. She will be our little star."

Roger loved it. Two rockstars and a little star. She was going to bring so much light, he was sure. They still had a long way to go, but in that moment...

Time stopped, and it was just the smiling Roger, the exhausted but enraptured Brian holding his daughter and a little star that promised to give them many good moments more.

Their own little rock and roll family was completed in that moment, and it was good.

It was lovely.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will I ever write a birth scene that is not angsty? Highly unlikely.   
> Would anyone be interested in a short epilogue with little Astrid?


	8. Chapter 8

Brian was holding his baby girl on his arms, cooing her, cradling her. His little perfect angel. She was so small, so tiny and round.. But she was there, and she was all right. She was healthy and getting bigger every day. She had the fairest blonde hair and the bluest eyes ever. A sapphire.

And she looked at him, looked at Brian. Little baby Astrid, looked and her eyes seemed to recognise him, know him. She always made happy noises when Brian picked her up, when she saw him. And Brian hummed songs to her and her little hand would move around and Brian had trouble not to cry every time he held her.

A whole person she was, a whole person he’d created and carried inside him, it seemed almost impossible. She was as beautiful as her other dad and Brian could stay looking at her the whole day, she was so breathtaking and seemed to enjoy being with him a lot. They’d spent hours like that, Astrid just napping and making cute noises while Brian held her in his big bed.

The recovery had been very long. He was still not 100% and still couldn’t get out of bed for long periods or do anything strenuous or tiring, but he was getting better little by little. He couldn’t do tiresome activities but he could talk, and move around. The first couple of weeks after giving birth he could hardly sit up to feed himself and they had a couple of scares in which he passed out mid-sentence.

The birth had lasted a total of 21 hours and he had to spend a whole week in the hospital afterwards. Roger had been on edge, having nightmares practically every night in which he saw Brian die. It didn’t mean that he didn’t love Astrid, of course.

He hadn’t latched on to her as soon as Brian, but he did love her. She was a delightful little baby (so calm. She barely cried at night and always quieted down when she was in Brian’s arms) and there was something very pleasant in her eyes when he looked at her. But still, despite his daughter’s adorableness, Roger had been quite scarred by what he’d lived in that delivery room.

He’d seen, watched and heard Brian’s heart give out. He could never forget that, that and how fragile Brian had been after.

But today was not the day to think about that. Brian was well enough to be sitting in the couch and Freddie and John were coming over with a whole two year supply of presents for babies.

“Oh, Brian, darling, it’s so good to see you out of bed. And you have more colour in your face, too, I’m so glad.You looked like the living dead back at the hospital.”

“I’m getting better.”

“But you still have to be careful, remember, love? You still have a long way to go.”

“And how are you, Roger, darling? Having to do all the heavy work since poor Brian can barely move.”

“It’s been tough, I won’t deny it. We used to do everything together, maybe even Brian more with the housework and those things. And suddenly there’s much more work and less people to take care of it… My mum has helped, and Astrid has been very calm, which has been quite helpful. It’s hard, but just seeing Brian around, you know, living, breathing… It makes everything better.”

“And how’s little Astrid?”

“She’s an angel. Sleeps a lot, cries very little.” Brian said, enamoured.

“After all the trouble she caused… She doesn’t look like she almost killed her dad, does she?”

“Brian was actually dead.”

“Roger…”

“For two minutes.”

“So… you’re not getting little Astrid any siblings soon?”

“No.” Roger deadpanned. “I’m not going through that again.”

“You are going to go through that? Which one of us spent over twenty hours in labour, exactly?”

“I watched you die, Bri. You said goodbye to me.”

“But look at this wonderful person we created, Rog. Look at her, at how precious she is. She’s going to make us so much happier, despite the rocky beginnings. I’m sure.”

She did. Astrid gave them a lot of very good moments, even if her coming to the world had been quite bumpy. They had someone very much of the both of them, and Astrid was a very calm but cheerful little girl. She loved travelling and the sound of her parents music. They were hoping she’d be a musician, too.

Roger and Brian go closer together too. Even if they fought, they were quite clear on how they wanted to raise their daughter, and in the important matters they always found a middle ground. Also, having said goodbye to each other, having been so close to losing each other… It had made them more appreciative of what they did have, more affectionate.

They became a very close family. They knew they had what mattered most - they had each other and they had their little star.

Roger composed a lot of songs about their little girl (“Bright star”, “A million spoonfuls of joy”, “Little wonder” - Bright Star was a real big hit, one of their biggest) and also a ballad about that dreadful day called “Flatline”, that didn’t leave a dry eye in the house. Brian also wrote a lot of beautiful songs, even if it took him longer. It was difficult to put into words all that he was feeling when he looked at his lover and daughter.

Their little star hadn’t been planned. She’d caused a lot of trouble coming into the world but in the end, despite all the bad moments they lived to get there…. They had so many more good moment coming.

They had their music.

They loved each other, no matter how many years passed.

And as they helped Astrid take her first steps, with smiles brighter than the sun…

A moment for the ages.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I have been having work issues so I wrote a bunch of mpreg, because apparently it's what I do to help myself feel less anxious.
> 
> Hope you liked and please do leave some feedback if you did!


End file.
